What did you say?

I’m not writing this blog for sympathy or anything like that. I’m simply writing this because I want to.

I need to.

You see a few days ago I woke up to a normal day, said my gratitude (to the bed for helping me have

a good nights sleep, to my husband who was on his way with a cup of tea to me and to my Angels for

the day ahead). The hustle & bustle of getting 4 children ready for school, checking PE kits, lunches

etc. – basically, for a lot of us, the normal start to a day.

Then both my husband and I had an encounter with someone who we deemed as a friend, who

wasn’t nasty or mean or horrible but the tone of his voice and what he said really shook both of us

up for most of the day.

Now it wasn’t a long conversation, nor was it heated it was perhaps said in a more impatient tone

with a subtle jag that didn’t feel subtle to either myself or my husband. For most people it probably

wouldn’t even have been an issue, “water off a ducks back” perhaps, but this day it really annoyed

both of us. We asked each other, “what did he say?” quite a few times.

We chatted about it briefly before the clock ticked onto half past and we had to get the boys

gathered up and off to school. We said goodbye and solemnly went on our way.

I took the younger boys to school and then decided to go on my morning walk. I thought I’d just

walk the short way but my legs had other ideas turning left and heading up the long route.

As I walked I felt angry, annoyed, irritated at the short conversation just 20 minutes beforehand. I

put in my earphones and listened to local radio, knowing that my favourite presenter was on & he

might cheer me up. I walked quicker and quicker with each song he played on the radio and felt

myself welling up. My heart pounded, I wanted to cry, scream or lie down somewhere where no

one would be able to see me.

All of these emotions surfaced from a very short 3 minute conversation yet they had a huge impact

on both me and my husband.

I had felt this feeling a few years ago and I didn’t quite understand it at the time. It bubbles up from

the depths, it grabs hold of your ankles like a slippery, black, skeletal hand and tries its best to drag

you down to the depths. It holds you so tight and tugs and pulls constantly, it feeds your mind with

questions such as, “why did he say that”, “you are not good enough”, “you brought this on yourself”,

“its your fault he said that, you shouldn’t have asked him the question”.

As I walked quicker and quicker trying to take my mind off the tugging sensation, the questions and

comments spun around in my head like a waltzer that wouldn’t stop. Then a song came on the

radio. I decided to sing along with the song instead. The song that was played had the lyrics, “cause

the players gonna play, play, play, play, play & the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby

I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off”.

Right there, that was it.

I decided to hold my head up high instead of looking at the ground as I walked.

I decided to look at the nature, the sea, the cliffs beside me, in front of me.

I decided to NOT go down that deep, dark, uninviting hole that I’d been in before (although I knew

how easy it would be to slip in there quietly for a few days, or a few weeks. But I also knew how

difficult it is to clamber back out of it.) Quite frankly I felt that I wouldn’t have the strength to

clamber out for a long, long time so I decided not to go in.

I decided to “shake it off”.

Now I had a dilemma all of my own. I wasn’t going to let that conversation ruin my day. I wasn’t

going to let that conversation ruin my walk. I liked this walk and sure as hell he wasn’t going to make

me think that conversation over every time I tread that particular footpath. Instead I have now

named that footpath the turning point. (Ok it turns right onto the next road I need to walk but it also

helped me turn a corner, make a decision that I am proud of).

I am proud that I felt those feelings. I felt the hurt, the anger, even to some extent a little bitterness

which in turn made me feel awful. I felt these feelings deeply, so deeply that even after all my self

care, my daily gratitude’s, prayers and meditations these feelings still rocked me to my core.

However, I didn’t let them define me.

I talked to myself in my head. “You are enough”. “You are worthy”. I repeated these affirmations

for almost 5 minutes on my walk before bumping into a friend and stopping for a quick chat. I was

actually dreading talking to this friend because I didn’t feel in the mood to talk. It was a brief

conversation and pleasant enough, although she seemed much more stressed than me & I wished

her well as she walked on. I hoped that if she got to the turning point she would feel less stressed

too.

I kept walking, I kept up my affirmations. I kept up the mindfulness of the sea, the birds, the sights,

sounds and smells. I decided that when I got home I would do a 10 minute meditation, self heal &

cord cutting of the mornings events and not to allow myself to be sucked into that horrible, dark

place.

The rest of the day went fairly well. My husband came home and we chatted about the

conversation that had annoyed both of us, with him agreeing that it took him until almost lunch time

“to shake it off”. I smiled to myself and thanked the Angels for sending me that song. I knew I

needed it at that time and it really helped me.

So I just want to say this.

Be careful what you say.

Be careful HOW you say things.

Today I am quite sure that the person in question most probably didn’t mean his words to have that

impact on me or my husband, however, they were said.

They were said in that tone and they can’t be taken back.

I am proud that I was able to keep myself from falling into the depths but I also understand that its

not easy. I understand how much easier it would’ve been to just slip down, hide away and cry for

days or weeks at a time. When I’ve slipped into those moments I still function on some sort of level.

I still get up, get dressed, get the children to school. I still make meals and take them to sports. But I

know I am less patient, I get frustrated and angry quicker. I don’t give my full loving self to my

children or my husband, I don’t focus on their little wins or the amazing picture they might’ve have

drawn for me and that in turn is a nasty wheel to get on, as I constantly feel bad for not feeling good.

I get it.

I also know how much hard work I’ve put in to enable me to get to the point where I now know the

feelings and I can take a step back from the all consuming, dark feeling that tries to grab you before

you can comprehend what has happened.

I am proud that I could step back, feel the feelings and decide that I didn’t like that. I am proud that

I walked a bit longer, cheered myself on, encouraged myself and know that I am enough. I am

worthy.

Years of self care, ups and downs, Reiki therapy, practice and principals and starting to actually

believe in myself has helped me, not only stay out of that hole but has enabled me to write to you. I

can’t promise I won’t fall in at some stage but I can promise you that I will fight to stay out as best I

can.

If my ramblings help just one of you today, I am a happy woman. I am forever grateful to my

wonderful husband who is so supportive of me, and my beautiful children who always find some

funny fart joke to laugh at and to my Angels for throwing those signs at me all the time, and

doubling their efforts when I need it most. Why don’t you repeat the affirmations to yourself today?

I am enough.

I am worthy.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you xxx

Jacqui Dickson

Reiki Therapy with Jacqui

Do you know what bored is?

So we all know what social media is. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, What’s App to name but a few.

Ask yourself this question.  How long do you spend on your phone or tablet?  Well, I have just listened to a masterclass on a meditation app and it is surprising to know that however long you think you spend on your phone you can easily double it.  If you think you spend 2 hours a day its more like 4.  

There are numerous apps that you can get to check your own screen time and even if you just do it for curiosities sake, monitor your phone use for 1 week. 

If we spend 4 hours a day, that’s 28 hours a week, that’s 112 hours a month.  There’s a lot of living to be done in that time. We are only awake for maybe 15 hours a day, 4 hours of that is on a phone, 8 hours in work, then you have to eat, live, travel, talk to your partner / children / parent, commute etc. 

Why do we reach for screens?

If you are sitting in a waiting room or travelling in an elevator what’s the first thing you do?  Do you say hello to the person next to you & strike up a conversation or do you reach for your phone, check what you need to and endlessly scroll through pages and pages of whatever. 

We need to remember how to be bored. 

We need to remember that sitting for 10 minutes in a waiting room, we can be still in ourselves, listen to our body, be aware of the sights, the sounds, the smells around us. 

We can travel in the elevator 3 floors without looking at our messages or e mails. 

We need to bring back mindfulness in the stripped bare form.

When I was a child walking to school, one day I may have walked the whole way without stepping on the lines or the cracks in the pavement, another day I may have walked pulling the leaves off the hedges and making smiley faces in them.  The next I might’ve counted all the cars that passed or given myself 10 points if a silver car passed. 

What was I doing? I was alleviating my short but relatively boring walk to school. 

When I went onto secondary school, I sometimes caught the bus.  What did I do once I’d sat on the bus?  I looked out the window.  I noticed the trees as they changed colour in autumn, lay bare in winter and sprouted green shoots at the beginning of spring.  

I watched as the same people got on the bus at the same stops, and even wondered where someone was if they regularly got on at a stop and they didn’t turn up.  I thought, “Are they late?”, “Have they slept in?” “Are they sick?”, “I hope they are ok” and then smiled inwardly when they were standing at the bus stop the next day. 

I looked at hairstyles, shoes, school bags.  I blushed when a boy I liked may have glanced in my direction. I slumped a bit lower in my seat when someone I wasn’t as fond of jumped on board in the hope that they wouldn’t see me. 

I didn’t have a mobile phone, I had real life face to face social media.

I sometimes worry about the generations growing up.  Screen time is integrated from as young as 2 years maybe younger in some cases and the quick fix the children get from “innocent” games or TV shows.  

They don’t get a break.

There is no downtime.  

I’m not a scientist or biologist but I’m sure the rush of dopamine or endorphins (The happy hormones) people get from achieving 5 clicks of a button to receive a virtual star or well done message, or the next programme automatically starting with the happy, clappy song that boosts their feelings of happiness could also be achieved by playing outside, looking for insects and watching in awe as some fly slowly and loudly past you. Children could scream in delight at finishing a drawing or finding a fat juicy worm wiggling in the garden. 

When do you or your children look out the window where you stare into space and daydream? 

When do they jump over the cracks in the pavement? 

When do they get the feeling of bored so they can invent their own games?

What happens to the children (and increasingly the adults) when they have a spare minute to do nothing? 

Children may cry because they are unsettled, they don’t know this feeling, it is strange.  They look up to see their parent on a mobile.  The child follows the gaze of the adult and associates calm time with screen time. 

The constant quick fix of achieving a well done message or virtual star keeps our fight or flight adrenaline flowing through our body.  Our body is constantly on high alert for the next level, the next blue thumb like, the next share or comment. 

When do we allow Serotonin in our body to have its moment and let our body fully relax? 

Serotonin is important in stabilizing our mood, our feelings of well being and happiness.  It enables brain cells and other nervous system cells to communicate with each other and helps with sleeping, eating and digestion. 

If we are constantly on screens, or feeling the need to be busy we must stop or at the very least slow down. 

Start off slow.  Remove devices from meal times & enjoy a richer experience of your food. Then remove them from view – put them in another room an hour and a half before bed. 

Limit screen time for children.  Put a timer on and let them know that once the timer goes that means stop.  Do the same for you. 

We are living in a world where we want everything now. We have little or no patience for anything. We need the information straight away. We need to move onto the next level, the next game, the next post on social media. 

We are putting our health at risk by being constantly busy, constantly checking our devices, constantly planning the next hour, day, week. 

If you do anything today, at the very least begin to be conscious of your own routine.  Check in on yourself when you are mindlessly scrolling through social media.  Check in on yourself when you feel a little impatient.  Look at people when you talk to them.  

I’ve given a few suggestions below & you don’t have to do them all at once but try to gradually incorporate them into your life.

Remove the devices for a few hours a day. 

Sit in stillness for a few minutes and gradually build this up to half an hour or an hour over the next week or two. Even pop on a 10 minute meditation to give you focus and guidance on your breathing.

Be mindful. You can start easily with this one & you can make it fun for everyone. Buy some fruit flavoured jelly beans or sweets. Close your eyes, pick a sweet and begin to eat. 

By not seeing the colour your senses need to work.  Eat it slowly.  Enjoy the taste.  Guess the taste.  For a few brief moments you are being mindful.  You want to know what you are eating and you will have your full concentration on thinking of the flavour. 

Take a walk in nature without headphones or screens.  Look at the nature around you, listen to the birds, listen to the sound of the wind through the leaves on the trees or the trickling of a stream, the rushing thunderous noise of a waterfall.  Wherever you walk take notice of the sights, sounds, smells.  The feeling of the ground underfoot.  Is it soft leaves or pine needles?  Is it rocky stones at a beach? 

Take notice.  

The world is an amazing place.

You are an amazing person and once we begin to notice what is all around we wont have time for screens and social media.

We wont ever be bored again.